The Vaccine Could Make You A Moron | Gossip

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Two Cocks

Health Secretary Matt Hancock said this afternoon that if the Covid vaccine causes “any unforeseen circumstances to male fertility” he would go the extra mile and become a sperm donor for effected couples. This outraged Piers Morgan who immediately took to Twitler to vent his anger.

“IT’S MY JOB TO LOWER THE COLLECTIVE IQ, NOT HIS!!”

bellowed Morgan in capital letters. Thankfully, the vaccine can’t turn you into said one relieved twitter user.

Source: New Chinese Study Confirms COVID-19 Attacks Testicles, May Affect Male Fertility

Sympathy For The Devil

The Social Media storm continued when Mick Jagger controversially tweeted “I won’t get no, Covid vaccine!” and was then immediately suspended from Twitler.

Show Me Your Papers

who went on to say that the government has no plans to reintroduce plague carts, as suggested by top turnip Carol Codswallop of , and he totally refuted rumours that the vaccine contains traces of chlorinated chicken. There will be no vaccination passports and no compulsory for anyone who obeys the governments clear and strict instructions, clarified a senior adviser afterwards.




“I’m not dead yet!”

Source: Monty Python-Bring out your dead! – YouTube

Dr Death

Hancock ended on a defiant note when asked for a reaction to saying the lockdown should be extended until 2042,

“I don’t take my orders from !”

said the ‘’ secretary before hurriedly leaving the press conference after receiving a text alert.

Dr Bill

Opposition came in the form of ex Labour party leader, and now ex Labour MP, Jeremy Corbyn, reading from a pre-prepared statement he said,

“It’s important to remember that the virus also has rights.”

before blaming Capitalism for Manchester United’s poor start to the season.

The Moronic Variant

The vaccine can turn you into a moron – and it may be too late for some.

In times of uncertainty many internet conspiracies flourish and none more so than the latest vaccine theory from the far-right group ‘mumsnet’ which claims a secretive group of Biden supporters are using the vaccine to turn people into mindless morons, a fact vigorously disputed by panelists at . Other theories include, the vaccine attacks and restructures DNA and mitochondrial RNA, turning victims into barely functioning Zombies. This might explain recent output and reports that Juggernauts, Kay Burley and Beth Rigby had been adversely effected by the IQ reducing vaccine. These rumours were immediately denied by who said that Kay Burley and Beth Rigby were busy updating their CV’s and were unavailable for comment.

The Twerps

Two people who haven’t been effected by the brain retarding vaccine are forgotten royal couple Harry and Meghan, who had volunteered to take the vaccine live on TV (if the news media promised to talk about them again). Harry refused to be drawn on the subject when questioned by The_Voids intrepid roving reporter, Henrietta Harriott.

“Being ginger I already have an underlying condition”

said the carrot coned Ponce.

Dopes First

For anyone concerned about taking a possibly dangerous vaccine for a mostly non dangerous virus, don’t worry…

It’s worth noting that the creme of British virtue signallers will be first in the queue to get jabbed.

The_Void

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