Fortuitous Find Could Save Brexit

Boris Johnson and his government this evening revealed their intense emotions after being told a dog walker had found Boris's missing testicles in a Sainsbury's carrier bag on Wimbledon Common.

Mr Johnson described it as a ‘huge moment' and also ‘a very moving thing' while admitting he was ‘quite emotional' after he got the news of the fortuitous find.

DOG WALKER: “I have very keen eye sight. At first I thought someone had discarded the peas from a Pot Noodle”

However, speaking on the day the conservatives launched their new Covid-19 tier system across England, The Home Office warned …

“The worst thing the police could do now was to hand them back to Carrie in a carrier bag”

“It's too much…”

“She's already running the country”

A spokesman for The Prime Minister's office also said it would be wrong to think it is,

“game over”, this is not the end, if they've been too chewed up, we have the technology to replace them.”

Anonymous gov't spokesman

He then urged people to take the Kung Flu vaccine before hurriedly leaving the room in tears.

Together Again

Now that the former eunuch has been reunited with his missing danglers hopes will rise for a braver, more confident Boris, but the find may have come too late to save Britain said one sceptic.

Let's hope Boris keeps up the jogging… and jogs right off.

The_Void